Nina could see the silent, prodding flushes of enemy fire in the black night, she knew she must be halfway there. When she was a child, her father had always tried to encourage hopeful dreams, often repeating his same mantra;
“See yourself sailing away from all this hatred Nina, and when you’re halfway to freedom, those noises will be far off in the distance, you will only see their muted rage.”
Nina had been comforted by these words and wished desperately that he could be there at this moment, sailing away with both of them.
The baby was only a month old and was now shaking furiously. Nina had swaddled him as best she could, in the time she had, before getting on the boat. His hunger cries began, slowly puncturing the men’s armour, revealing their shared impatience.
“Can’t you shut that fucking thing up! I can’t listen to it all night, we have another six hours on this fucking boat.” The man, who had pushed his way into the most comfortable spot on the boat, grabbed Nina by the arm and continued with his displeasure at sharing a boat with an infant,
“Why couldn’t you leave the thing at home? It’s not even yours. Don’t expect it to last the journey, will you? You should have left it where it belonged. Just drown the bastard and be done with it, what’s wrong with its face anyway? Ugly looking thing.”
“Leave her be Jonus, it’s just a hungry child, she’s doing her best,” said one of the men.
Nina pulled away and turned her head towards the baby, her grip tightening around him. She half covered the infant's face, shielding him from perhaps another verbal assault. Nina began to hum quietly, her tears grazed the infant’s cheek, restraining her fury. This was no place for fighting, they had already taken so many, including her father and sister.
The sea was more composed than it had been at the start of the journey, which made it easier for Nina to gently place her little finger in the infant’s mouth so he could suckle. She knew this wouldn’t last long but neither would the half bottle of milk.
Nina cursed her sister, Marie. She had begged her not to go to the shop that night. The baby had needed nappies but Nina said they could make some do-it-yourself ones until the morning. The gunfire was quieter in the early hours and there was less risk of getting caught. Marie however, had never taken kindly to authority influencing her choices.
“Too many rules are for the unthinking Nina, we have a brain and we should be allowed to exercise commonsense. Why should they dictate how we live our lives?” said Marie stubbornly, as she slammed the door behind her.
This was the last she saw of her younger sister. Brave Marie, who had only wanted the very best for her son. Nina was again remembering their last conversation, it helped keep her focused.
“The finest surgeon in the world practices medicine there Nina. Just think, we could fix his face and he wouldn’t have to suffer torment for the rest of his life. Imagine that Nina?” said Marie, turning to her older sister for a response.
“It’s too dangerous Marie, we would die for sure, drown or perhaps worse, be tortured by one of the other men on board. I just can’t…we can’t do it,” said Nina, hoping that Marie would see sense.
“Be brave Nina, it’s all we have left now and it’s baby’s only chance. Let’s give him the freedom that he deserves,” said Marie, hoping Nina would agree to her plan.
The baby began to wail again, flinging her from her thoughts. She reached to get the milk bottle but was stopped by the man she now knew as Jonus; he grabbed her arm and leaned in close to her face.
“What did I say, you piece of shit, shut the fucker up or I will.” His aggression was a thousand wars firing down upon her in that tiny boat, but his battle wasn’t over yet. Nina tried to move but the boat was crammed and the other men sat motionless, frightened to intervene.
“Why do you want to keep a baby that isn’t yours, with a face that looks like that? It’s disgusting, you’re disgusting!” said Jonus, producing a knife. “Let me rearrange his face for you.”
Nina had nowhere to go other than the sea, although the sun was making an appearance, she knew they would probably freeze to death.
“I see land!” shouted one man suddenly, “Look!”
As Jonus turned, following where the man was pointing to, Nina hastily tied the swaddle around her back. She knew Jonus and the others would only be distracted for a moment.
“Woman overboard!” A man shouted, pointing towards the water.
“Quick, grab a rope!” shouted another.
Nina swam as fast as she could manage, the perishing sea smacked her face, scolding her for attempting the unthinkable. The baby’s head was high up her back, his head resting on her neck, she tried in anguish to keep his head above the water. The fading voices of men fell silent. Nina shook uncontrollably and then closed her eyes, comforted by her sister’s last words,
“Be brave Nina, it’s all we have now.”
As she slowly regained consciousness, she felt something lift her from the water. As she tried to feel for the baby on her back, a man sat her down on the sand.
“The baby, the baby!” Nina cried out.
The Cambodian man looked at the pale-skinned, fair-haired British girl shaking his head.
“No baby miss, no baby,” he said.